The academic world as big as it is is only a small part of this world. My world revolves around academia: research, HIV/AIDS, cognitive function, quality of life, linear regression models, and I can go on and on… But does that interest you, person outside of academia? Nope! And I don’t think you have to pretend to be interested in that.
In this life, we meet people from a variety of interests and expertise. There’s the engineers who are fascinated with patterns, programming, numbers, formulas. And even amongst them are differences and expertise. There’s the waitresses and store employees who are going to school to finish their education or transitioning to other things. They enjoy the day to day living. There’s the bus techy people and the start- up people who know B school, connections, the newest apps, which company bought what, which companies own what, etc. And they enjoy business and hipstery things. There’s the medical professionals: residents, attendings, nurses, practitioners, physical therapists, social workers, pharmacists, and dentists. Healthcare, policies, teeth, cavities, root canals, ORIFs, Bledsoe boots, gait training, follow up appts, health at home, etc. And the list goes on!
I think it is wise to know those outside of your area of expertise. Because the “world” in which you live in isn’t the only one existing nor is it the “most important.”
Diversity, differences, aliens… I welcome you, welcome you to join my new world :)
Two songs played on my Itunes today and they brought up such interesting, happy, unhappy memories.
Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus
When this song first came out, I was in nursing school at UCLA. Those were some of the toughest, happiest times of my life. Studying intensely… then to party and drink on the weekends. I was definitely never a partier until nursing school. But that song was the anthem of my group of “friends” when we’d be getting ready to go dance in We-Ho. Some of those girls turned out to be very annoying, superficial gossipers. Regardless, the partying continued with a smaller, yet still large group of friends. #partyon
In SF, I sang this song with one of my pharmacy school friends in the kitchen of our friend’s apt. We had just finished playing futsol (we won by the way! … other team forfeited. heh) and we were making dakgogi and frying eggs. Singing this at the top of our lungs, we cooked (and danced) away… :)
야곱의 축복 or “Jacob’s Blessing”
This song… In Guam, I had broken up with my ex who was living in Korea (actually he was deported back… haha. though not funny at the time), and I was folding laundry with my mom. This song amongst many others were ones that our families would listen and sing to at church :)
I was about to head to Los Angeles, to attend college, alone. My mom was giving me advice about life and I’m sure she was sad that I would be 6,000+ miles away from home for school. This was the most exciting event coming up and I was nervous, anxious, and ecstatic at the same time. Anyway, my mom and I were folding our laundry in the living room, and I started singing this for my mom. And… I started tearing. This song is about how you are a blessing and love of God. How you’re a tree planted by Him and made to bear fruit. That no matter what trials, there is STRENGTH to win together with God Almighty. When I sang this for her, I couldn’t help but to think of how good God was and what change life would bring.
And wow :) Today… I am sitting in the inner sunset of a gloomy San Francisco day… writing (minus this break to reflect on these 2 songs) in a cafe. I am in a doctoral program at UCSF School of Nursing. My mom is still in Guam and I’m praying for her to come here soon.
how time flies… and how far life has taken me… God, thank You that You’ve never left me.
As mundane, painful, or event-less life can be at times, i hold on to His promises in His Word. It’s been quite an adventure + roller coaster + valley in this PhD life.
Psalm 130:5 was a verse I memorized in high school. So interesting that it comes up again to this day.
I feel a lot more introverted than I ever was. Is this a sign of age and getting older? Or is this a natural effect of the doctorate life? Close friends in the dental PhD program have gone through this as well. Maybe, the life of a doctoral student makes you wanna be alone and write.
Either way, in ALL aspects of life, I am living passionately! Or so I hope. It’s been a tough, lonely few weeks.
I understand that the phd program requires you to be self motivated with the guidance of an advisor. I can’t help feeling frustrated at how I still have to navigate thru politics alone… I guess being in academia, you have to learn to navigate through politics well…
Regardless… Im thankful that despite few doors available, there’s always one that opens.
At the Not for Sale gala to help fight the cause to end human sex trafficking. Nikki reed and her husband came to support this cause too. Globally girls and females of all ages are forced or tricked into this industry. Others find this is the only way to support themselves and their family.
“California is the 4th state with high rates of trafficking. San Francisco houses 40% of this population. Not for Sale will work locally starting this year.”
#sf #Notforsale #fightagainsttrafficking
Clouds are my new trending “thing”
Today, I talked with my soulmate for 40 minutes. And those 40 minutes were one of the most influential, powerful talks I have had in months. Or maybe I have had amazing conversations, but I wasn’t ready to hear them… She has Made me re-focus. I’d like to believe that I am always on the “right” path in life and that I am doing the “right” thing because I trust in God and believe in Him. But I will like to admit that I am not always on the right path, nor do I always make the right decisions. Not because I don’t trust in God or don’t believe in Him, but mainly because I lose focus of what is ahead, get distracted by things around me, and then verge on a tangent, many many times. (I can see this in my professional writing as well. This is a story I shall have to share later.)
For the past month, I have been down, sad, unhappy, and restless despite the many blessings and opportunities I have been given. I have been discontent with my job, research life, and relationships. Mixed with my discontent are dissatisfaction, discouragement, and depression. Why? Because I have been unhappy with not my progress in these areas (which I feel are stagnant anyway at this time)? No, actually it’s because I have lost my passion and motivation to be doing these things. I feel very selfish and ungrateful right now… I have been unhappy, because 1. It is very difficult to get a job, especially an RN job in San Francisco, and maintain it when so many other RNs want a job period. And I HAVE A JOB now and 2. I am in a doctoral program (to further my education so that I can empower and disseminate knowledge to future nurses and nurse leaders). I have A second JOB. EOS. So why am I unhappy? That is a good question and the answer is made clear to me. Solution? I have two… 1. Find that passion and motivation again so that you aren’t doing the mundane tasks of living day to day going through motions 2. Change your perspective and outlook on life/ the situation if you can’t change the circumstances. And, if you can change your circumstance/ situation, then change it. Doi.
So I have resolved to make some changes in the next few months and I need to regain my focus to research, teach, and practice nursing at its essence. I cannot lose my focus/ purpose and when I do, I need to reflect and re-focus so that I can research, teach, and practice nursing with fervor and passion and excitement! I find that when I have this fervor, passion, and excitement, it makes life much more happier and satisfying and productive and influential.
With a doctorate in nursing, I do not aim for a title, but for the opportunity to influence and empower future nurses. Education and titles mean nothing if you don’t have the passion and desire to motivate, change, and influence.
Talking with my soulmate is a breath of fresh air. And I am so thankful for her and my close friends in SF who remind me of this every day. This makes me realize how blessed and loved I am and have been all along. I can’t sit and be disappointed in myself and wallow in self-pity. Instead, I need to take what I have and multiply it so that I can love, bless, encourage, motivate, and empower others. This is also nursing at its essence: patient advocacy, patient care, selfless service.
This reminds me that success, career, and relationships mean nothing outside of God and serving/ blessing others. Life isn’t about yourself, but it’s about giving and loving and sharing. I know life isn’t about myself, but when you lose that vision and direction, you wander in a place of confusion and discontentment.
Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.
Let’s do this.