Personal. Empowerment. To serve.
Today, I talked with my soulmate for 40 minutes. And those 40 minutes were one of the most influential, powerful talks I have had in months. Or maybe I have had amazing conversations, but I wasn’t ready to hear them… She has Made me re-focus. I’d like to believe that I am always on the “right” path in life and that I am doing the “right” thing because I trust in God and believe in Him. But I will like to admit that I am not always on the right path, nor do I always make the right decisions. Not because I don’t trust in God or don’t believe in Him, but mainly because I lose focus of what is ahead, get distracted by things around me, and then verge on a tangent, many many times. (I can see this in my professional writing as well. This is a story I shall have to share later.)
For the past month, I have been down, sad, unhappy, and restless despite the many blessings and opportunities I have been given. I have been discontent with my job, research life, and relationships. Mixed with my discontent are dissatisfaction, discouragement, and depression. Why? Because I have been unhappy with not my progress in these areas (which I feel are stagnant anyway at this time)? No, actually it’s because I have lost my passion and motivation to be doing these things. I feel very selfish and ungrateful right now… I have been unhappy, because 1. It is very difficult to get a job, especially an RN job in San Francisco, and maintain it when so many other RNs want a job period. And I HAVE A JOB now and 2. I am in a doctoral program (to further my education so that I can empower and disseminate knowledge to future nurses and nurse leaders). I have A second JOB. EOS. So why am I unhappy? That is a good question and the answer is made clear to me. Solution? I have two… 1. Find that passion and motivation again so that you aren’t doing the mundane tasks of living day to day going through motions 2. Change your perspective and outlook on life/ the situation if you can’t change the circumstances. And, if you can change your circumstance/ situation, then change it. Doi.
So I have resolved to make some changes in the next few months and I need to regain my focus to research, teach, and practice nursing at its essence. I cannot lose my focus/ purpose and when I do, I need to reflect and re-focus so that I can research, teach, and practice nursing with fervor and passion and excitement! I find that when I have this fervor, passion, and excitement, it makes life much more happier and satisfying and productive and influential.
With a doctorate in nursing, I do not aim for a title, but for the opportunity to influence and empower future nurses. Education and titles mean nothing if you don’t have the passion and desire to motivate, change, and influence.
Talking with my soulmate is a breath of fresh air. And I am so thankful for her and my close friends in SF who remind me of this every day. This makes me realize how blessed and loved I am and have been all along. I can’t sit and be disappointed in myself and wallow in self-pity. Instead, I need to take what I have and multiply it so that I can love, bless, encourage, motivate, and empower others. This is also nursing at its essence: patient advocacy, patient care, selfless service.
This reminds me that success, career, and relationships mean nothing outside of God and serving/ blessing others. Life isn’t about yourself, but it’s about giving and loving and sharing. I know life isn’t about myself, but when you lose that vision and direction, you wander in a place of confusion and discontentment.
Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.
Let’s do this.